So, I am starting this blog as a part of my new life journey. I would like to share my experiences, accomplishments, struggles and progress with who ever wants to know how I established a path to better myself.

I have to warn you that I will be extremely honest about myself, my thoughts and the way I feel about what I am going through.

I am getting married in 320 days. This is what has jump started my interest in weight loss. However, when I get married, I refuse to let that be the end of my journey. yes, I am losing weight to look my best on Bryan and I's wedding day, but I also am losing weight to start a new lifestyle- a healthy life so when we exchange vows- that's going to be the brand new start of both of our lives, together and healthy.

I would like to loose between 40-60 pounds before I get married. I know that this is going to be a challenge, especially because I have never done a process like this before. This is another reason why I started this blog. I need all the help and support as well as insight as anyone can provide to me. Kind words, motivation, even though love is welcome in hopes for me to reach my goal.

By the end of Summer, I hope to drop around 20 pounds and hopefully that will motivate me to try on wedding dresses. Right now, I don't even want to set foot in a bridal store because I am afraid that none of the dresses will fit me. This is not the first time I have had this fear, as this exact same scenario happened to me when I was in elementary school, when I dreaded shopping because nothing ever fit and I was never the same size as my naturally skinny friends. I would have to shop around for hours just to keep trying on clothes that never fit. I felt like I was set up to fail and would end up in tears in the fitting rooms in several stores. I would finally find something that would fit but I never found confidence. Sometimes, I even had to wear slimming undergarments, even when I was eight years old.

The only time that I thought I was a decent size was when I dropped a couple pant sizes in high school because of swim team training. I kept the weight off for a little while, but when I saw the number on the scale going up, I started throwing up to keep the number down. I know that this is completely unhealthy, but image was more important than health when I was a vain teenager. I lived my life in a bathing suit and never felt thin. This was the first time I started getting attention for my good looks and slender figure, which reinforced my bad habits.

I kept this eating disorder up for a while, only eating dinner so my parent's wouldn't catch on, and throwing up anything I did eat during the day while at swim practice or a work. I remember being excited that I could almost see my ribs... but I still thought I was overweight. Finally, my senior year, I came into my own. I was very involved with performing and was swim team captain. Due to the positive feed back from my teachers and peers for my natural talent, I lost the urge to purge and gained the self confidence I had been missing. When I graduated, I was at a healthy weight for my height and wasn't thinking about how to change myself.

Then College came and everyone left town. I stayed back and attended the local community college until I was ready to leave. I was really depressed and had to meet new people because all of my friends were away at different schools. I did go visit them from time to time but it wasn't the same as having them home. I switched jobs from life guarding to retail, I went to classes in the mornings, and that's when the weight started coming on. I gained the freshman 15 while I was at home. I had lost motivation and would just sit around waiting for something to change. When I left for ECU I gained a lot more weight from drinking and other bad eating habits. Needless to say, more weight came on as my lifestyle didn't and hasn't changed.

Now that everyone knows the history and what I have put my body through, please know that I want and need to turn it around. The right way this time.


Solution for day 1:

Juicing for breakfast and lunch
Snacks: veggies and turkey bacon

grilled Chicken and veggies for dinner

No carbs.

Workout: Walking 2 miles & strength training

Stay Tuned!